Cats and Coupons

If you’re like many people, you have a digital camera. You take pictures of your family, your pets, whatever strikes you. One of the most overlooked camera accessories is the storage, the removable media. It’s hard to take a picture when you have nowhere to store it. The price of an SD card, as well as other forms of memory,has come down a lot in recent years. Media gets full, and occasionally has been known to have a problem. The answer? Have a backup, allowing you to make sure you have the opportunity to get that great shot of your child. Or your cat.

Does your dog react to different sounds? My Mom’s dog, a Boxer, always barks like crazy when their door chime sounds. Now that’s not all that unusual, a dog marking at the door. What is unusual is that years ago when my youngest  son was very little he used to bark when he heard it ring as well. He heard the dog bark at the door so often that he thought it was the thing to do. He doesn’t do it anymore, which we’re really happy about.Who barks when someone’s at your door?

I love to laugh and got a good laugh out of this diary. I was gasping for air when I read this, had I been on an oximeter it surely would have gone off

DAY 752 — My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 — Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 — Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 — Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was… Hmmm. Not working according to plan……

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer.” More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage….

DAY 774 — I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dogs are routinely released and seem more than happy to return. They are obviously half-wits. The Birds, on the other hand, have got to be informants. They have mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and the birds speak with them regularly. I am certain they report my every move. Due to their current placement in the metal room their safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. (She wasn’t looking for a cellulite cure, she was really feeling under the weather.)

The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him.

“Hey look, I’m a vet - *I* don’t need to ask my patients these kind of questions. I can tell what’s wrong just by
looking.” She smugly added, “Why can’t you?”

The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said,
“There you are. Of course, if *that* doesn’t work, we’ll have to have you put to sleep.”

Does your cat bother with your window dressings? Our cat loved to play with the vertical blinds when we had them. The noise got a bit annoying at times. One of the nice things about roller blinds and shades is that they don’t hand and move like vertical blinds do. I think they’re easier to clean as well. My Mom had roller blinds in every window for years. Do you prefer vertical blinds, roller shades or just curtains? Which does your cat prefer?

I wonder why the Jetsons had no cat. They had the dog Astro, who when he spoke you couldn’t understand what he said. Bsn atro phex might have been dog speak or the name of a drug, who knows. What surprises me the most is that they didn’t make Astro robotic, like Rosie the maid. That would have made lots of sense, and fit right in with the show.

I can’t help but wonder how different our lives would be if we lived more like cats. While cats require regular checkups and vaccinations, they don’t seem to have as many of the serious health issues that we people have. While there are some obese cats you don’t hear about cats needing gallbladder surgery or concerning themselves with colon cleanse reviews. Maybe it’s because of their food. Hmmmm. Speaking of cats and food…

Q: How is cat food sold?
A: So much purr can.

Q: What is a cat’s favourite dessert?
A: Mice pudding.

Q: How do you get milk from a cat?
A: Steal its saucer.

Q: What do English cats drink in the afternoon?
A: Kit-tea.

Q: What do alien cats like to have for breakfast?
A: A flying saucer of milk.

Q: Which foods definitely don’t mix?
A: A hot dog and Catsup.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a kitten with a melon?
A: A cat-aloupe!

I love to watch cats play. That’s the best exercise for them, better than any elliptical or other exercise equipment. Why? Because they get to use their natural instinct and because it’s fun. It’s fun for them to do and fun for us to watch. Here’s two riddles for you.

Q: What do you call a chubby kitty?
A: A fat cat!

Q: What do you call a cat who works out?
A: A Fit kit!

I love riddles. Here’s some riddles about cats, and what you’d end up with if you mixed them with some other animals. Fortunately this is imaginary and cannot be accomplished by using a KVM switch or any other switch, or who know’s what we’d have running around.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a cat and a dog?
A: An animal that chases itself!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a cat and a donkey?
A: A Mewl.

Q: What do you call a cross between a cat and a skunk?
A: A mew pew!

Q: What would you get if you corssed a kitten and a mackerel?
A: A catfish!

Getting a cat to take a pill, even a small one, can be challenging. Good thing that cats don’t have to take prenatal vitamins, right? That reminded me of a little rhyme that I received about giving a cat a pill. It’s great, check it out!

I am cat. Cat I am.
I will not eat my pill with ham.

I will not take it with a mouse,
I will not take it in a house.

I will not take it don’t you see,
I will not take it, Cat is me!

I will not take it in the yard,
I will not take it in the car.

I will not take this pill you fool,
I will not take it in a pool.

I will not take it if you plead,
I will not take it when you bleed.

I will not take it when you beg,
I will not take it with a keg.

I’ll nae take it naer ye try,
I’ll just flick it in yer eye.

I won’t eat it, try again.
Won’t eat it when yer on a can.

Won’t even take it when ye die,
No matter how ye try and try.

I will not eat it thank ye ma’am
I am a cat — I am I am!

Not sure what the best weight loss pills are? Consider cat fitness as an alternative.

Cat fitness really can be fun. However, it is important to start any fitness program only when you feel like it. Don’t let a few extra pounds intimidate you into becoming more active.

The most important aspect of fitness is: when to start the program. The best time is at about 2 a.m. The house is quiet; there are no distractions.

The warm-up is critical. Cats are experts at stretching, so this won’t be a problem. Start with a few wild sprints, full speed, toenails clicking on the tile or linoleum floors. A few low but loud growls will help you feel charged up.

Now it is time to add some eye-paw coordination work. Find a marble (the big steelies work even better) and roll that down the floor as the sprints continue. See how many times you can ricochet it off the wallboards before it disappears under the fridge.

Finally, work on that upper body strength. Climbing is a great exercise. Use draperies, macramé plant hangers, or clothing on hangers. You can even find some carpeting on some basement walls. Backs of chairs work well, too.

Now put it all together. A speed sprint to the end of the hall! A race around the living room! Leap to the back of the rocking chair! Let the rebound launch you to the top of the swinging planter! Rock that baby! Feel those muscles work. Just as the hook pulls loose from the ceiling, dash to the bedroom and dive under the covers. Establish your alibi just in time to hear the crash of the plant to the floor below.

If you’re considering moving something you have to consider is if you have a pet or if you’re planning on getting one. Check out resources in the area you’re considering moving into. Here’s an example. Let’s say you’re looking at Indianapolis real estate. The Humane Society of Indianapolis offers cat training classes. It’s a great idea for anyone who’s never had a cat, so they can learn about handling a cat and cat behavior. One thing I wish I knew how to do was clip a cat’s nails. I know the how to but I am afraid to because I’m afraid I’ll get too close and cut the quick as my cat’s have dark nails. Do you trim your cat’s nails?

I have two printers on the top shelf of my desk. One of them is very noisy, even though it’s an inkjet it makes similar noise to a receipt printer. I think it’s really annoying but I think the cat finds it intriguing. Every now and again the printer will cycle and make noise. When it does the cat stands up and looks at it as if to be sure it isn’t an animal making the noise. He only does this when it’s cycling on it’s own or when it’s warming up because I haven’t printed in a while. Does your cat have any interest in your printer?

Does your cat like to get into things they shouldn’t? Romeo, the cat I have now, loves to explore and climb in places he shouldn’t be. Lately we’ve caught him climbing up to sit on top of the speakers. One night when he was up there he attacked my husband’s head! He’s also been found on top of the top shelf of my desk. My son has one of those entertainment centers in his room where his television and video games are, he found the cat hiding on one of the shelves recently. The oddest place Romeo has been frequenting is the sink, where RB has seen him four times this week. What’s the oddest place your cat goes?