Cats and Coupons

I love riddles. Here’s some riddles about cats, and what you’d end up with if you mixed them with some other animals. Fortunately this is imaginary and cannot be accomplished by using a KVM switch or any other switch, or who know’s what we’d have running around.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a cat and a dog?
A: An animal that chases itself!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a cat and a donkey?
A: A Mewl.

Q: What do you call a cross between a cat and a skunk?
A: A mew pew!

Q: What would you get if you corssed a kitten and a mackerel?
A: A catfish!

Getting a cat to take a pill, even a small one, can be challenging. Good thing that cats don’t have to take prenatal vitamins, right? That reminded me of a little rhyme that I received about giving a cat a pill. It’s great, check it out!

I am cat. Cat I am.
I will not eat my pill with ham.

I will not take it with a mouse,
I will not take it in a house.

I will not take it don’t you see,
I will not take it, Cat is me!

I will not take it in the yard,
I will not take it in the car.

I will not take this pill you fool,
I will not take it in a pool.

I will not take it if you plead,
I will not take it when you bleed.

I will not take it when you beg,
I will not take it with a keg.

I’ll nae take it naer ye try,
I’ll just flick it in yer eye.

I won’t eat it, try again.
Won’t eat it when yer on a can.

Won’t even take it when ye die,
No matter how ye try and try.

I will not eat it thank ye ma’am
I am a cat — I am I am!

Not sure what the best weight loss pills are? Consider cat fitness as an alternative.

Cat fitness really can be fun. However, it is important to start any fitness program only when you feel like it. Don’t let a few extra pounds intimidate you into becoming more active.

The most important aspect of fitness is: when to start the program. The best time is at about 2 a.m. The house is quiet; there are no distractions.

The warm-up is critical. Cats are experts at stretching, so this won’t be a problem. Start with a few wild sprints, full speed, toenails clicking on the tile or linoleum floors. A few low but loud growls will help you feel charged up.

Now it is time to add some eye-paw coordination work. Find a marble (the big steelies work even better) and roll that down the floor as the sprints continue. See how many times you can ricochet it off the wallboards before it disappears under the fridge.

Finally, work on that upper body strength. Climbing is a great exercise. Use draperies, macramé plant hangers, or clothing on hangers. You can even find some carpeting on some basement walls. Backs of chairs work well, too.

Now put it all together. A speed sprint to the end of the hall! A race around the living room! Leap to the back of the rocking chair! Let the rebound launch you to the top of the swinging planter! Rock that baby! Feel those muscles work. Just as the hook pulls loose from the ceiling, dash to the bedroom and dive under the covers. Establish your alibi just in time to hear the crash of the plant to the floor below.

Kritter Kommunity Invites Pet Lovers Who Tweet to Win Big in Their Upcoming Twitter Contest

Kritter Kommunity announces their latest contest for cat and dog lovers. Pet owners who are following @KritterKondo on Twitter will have the opportunity to answer questions about various blogs and websites in order to win over $1,000 in prizes.

Philadelphia, PA (PRWEB) February 17, 2010 — On Sunday, February 21st 2010, from 11 AM to 5 PM Eastern Standard Time, Kritter Kommunity will be giving away over $1,000 in prizes for pet lovers. Fans that are following @KritterKondo on Twitter will have the opportunity to answer questions about various pet related blogs and websites. Prizes will be awarded throughout the time allotted including gift certificates from a variety of stores.

According to Illman, “We feature the top products in the pet industry. Each of these vendors sells quality products including the Kritter Kondo, that will keep your pets happy and healthy. It is our pleasure to give back to the pet community.”

(2) $50 Kritter Kommunity
(2) $50 Cat Toys.com
(2) $50 Nips and Bones
(2) $50 The Cat and Kitten Store
(2) $50 Licks and Giggles
as well as other product prizes.

“Giving away quality pet products on Twitter is one of my favorite things to do”, said Lisa Illman, President of Kritter Kommunity. “The contests and the prizes have been getting bigger and bigger over the last few months, and it’s something the pet community really looks forward to. Twitter is such an essential tool in the way we do business at the Kritter Kommunity. Twitter gives us direct access to our vendors and customers so we hear first hand what is important to them as we continue to grow. Our quality products are a direct result of the voice of our customers. Tweeting with them is one of our top priorities.”

The Kritter Kondo, one of the items that will be available for the winners of the contest, is an outdoor cat enclosure that is 2 feet high, 2.5 feet wide, and 5.5 feet long, which gives the cats a comfortable area for them to safely bask in the sun and enjoy their surroundings. It also protects them from motorists, other animals, and unhealthy food. Illman’s two adopted rescue cats, Madi and Abi, inspired her to invent the Kritter Kondo. The two felines continue to be a driving force for Lisa as she invents outdoor solutions for indoor pets.

No purchase is necessary to enter or win the contest, but you must be following @KritterKondo on Twitter to win (http://www.Twitter.com/KritterKondo). The contest is open to legal residents of the 50 United States and the District of Columbia, and contestants must be 18 years or older.

For more information about the Kritter Kondo, or to purchase one for your pet, visit http://www.KritterKommunity.com.

The Kritter Kondo also makes a great gift for Rescues and friends with pets.

If you’re considering moving something you have to consider is if you have a pet or if you’re planning on getting one. Check out resources in the area you’re considering moving into. Here’s an example. Let’s say you’re looking at Indianapolis real estate. The Humane Society of Indianapolis offers cat training classes. It’s a great idea for anyone who’s never had a cat, so they can learn about handling a cat and cat behavior. One thing I wish I knew how to do was clip a cat’s nails. I know the how to but I am afraid to because I’m afraid I’ll get too close and cut the quick as my cat’s have dark nails. Do you trim your cat’s nails?

On the first day of creation, God created the cat.

On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat.

On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litterbox…. Yes, it’s a cat’s world after all. Amen!.

I have two printers on the top shelf of my desk. One of them is very noisy, even though it’s an inkjet it makes similar noise to a receipt printer. I think it’s really annoying but I think the cat finds it intriguing. Every now and again the printer will cycle and make noise. When it does the cat stands up and looks at it as if to be sure it isn’t an animal making the noise. He only does this when it’s cycling on it’s own or when it’s warming up because I haven’t printed in a while. Does your cat have any interest in your printer?

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “Whatcha doing, Tim?” “My goldfish died,” replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. “And I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”

Does your cat like to get into things they shouldn’t? Romeo, the cat I have now, loves to explore and climb in places he shouldn’t be. Lately we’ve caught him climbing up to sit on top of the speakers. One night when he was up there he attacked my husband’s head! He’s also been found on top of the top shelf of my desk. My son has one of those entertainment centers in his room where his television and video games are, he found the cat hiding on one of the shelves recently. The oddest place Romeo has been frequenting is the sink, where RB has seen him four times this week. What’s the oddest place your cat goes?

A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man “I can’t believe what I’m seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!” The man replied “Nah lady this cats not clever at all I’m beating it 6 games to 1″

While my parents were away in Florida recently I took care of their cats and dogs. Now there is an outdoor cat that my parents feed. Actually two of them. They put food out on the back deck every day. When I went up to my parents house the other day after returning from Florida I wasn’t prepared for the amount of snow on the back deck. It was about four feet high. The cats walked across the top to get their food. I’m sure they would have been just as happy to see an outdoor fireplace as they were to see their food, they looked pretty cold. Do you see many cats outdoors in your area?

For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats.

Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.

You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.

Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile.

No cat or teenager shares you taste in music.

Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.

Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry o n as if they did.

Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy — a sense of complete and utter boredom.

Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone’s furniture.

Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.

Did you ever receive a gift that was just so exquisite? One of my favorite gifts ever was a special personalized gift that my parents had made just for me. It was a sweatshirt that had caricatures of my husband, son and the cat. It was, at the time, the perfect gift. One of the things that had made it so appealing to me was that it had my cat on it. I’ve always thought of my cats as family/ I came across it recently when cleaning out a dresser. It no longer fit and the characters no longer represented my family but the shirt still tugged at my heart strings. I’m thinking about having one made for myself, complete with cat. Do you consider your pet as a family member?

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,

The second man was an Accountant,

The third man was a Chemist, and

The fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat, ‘T-square, do your stuff.’
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, ‘Spreadsheet, do your stuff.’

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.

Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, ‘Measure, do your stuff.’

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured
Exactly 8 ounces into the glass, without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, ‘What can your cat do?’

The Government Employee called his cat and said, ‘CoffeeBreak, do your stuff.’

CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet…….

Ate the cookies…….

Drank the milk…….

Shit on the paper…….

Screwed the other three cats…….

Claimed he injured his back while doing so…….

Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions…….

Put in for Workers Compensation…………….and

Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave…………

AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT.